Economic models of life

Economic models of life have been imposed but there is no dent in what they truly believe

 

I can't concentrate at the moment can't focus on one

thought I am in this silent numbness I can't go anywhere with

my thoughts lights and shapes seep into my mind as I

lie on the carpet floor powerful visions of childhood

return I begin to have outer body experiences

sometimes even occupying the consciousness of others

this is a lot harder than I thought I am not

normally like this I do not look like this I understand

that every action has an effect everything we do

has consequences I see the earth as a vast organism

a living organism of which I am only a tiny part

my legs are very thin and the muscle is very soft I

don't have much strength I feel invincible

billboards and advertisements whirl around me in a

blur office workers wearing brightly coloured costumes

run at me touch me crowd around me it's complete

sensory overload I become increasingly disoriented

I realise I am not doing as well as I was kind of pretending to

myself that I am doing I can't think straight a lot of the

time the screen flickers I got a raise I have been promoted

it is very upsetting watching myself deteriorate like

this things are going from bad to worse I see clearly how

our actions have consequences and how all our lives are

interconnected not only our personal lives but our relationships

with the world around us I can't get myself motivated

anymore I can't even speak without crying am I going nuts? I've

got to be strong ride the tiger not get eaten by it this dream I don't

like it I talk to myself and I talk to insects I really want to

talk to my colleagues and touch them I miss people I miss people

too much I don't know if I can do this anymore can't

get my head straight I count things

 

steps. 40.

 

heartbeat. 32.

 

 

 

-Sebastiaan Schlicher, Berlin, September 2011

“I can't think straight a lot of the time the screen flickers I got a raise I have been promoted it is very upsetting watching myself deteriorate like

this”

Economic models of life have been imposed but there is no dent in what they truly believe, 2011, collage, acrylic & ink on paper, 65 x 50 cm